I just don’t fucking know.
Posted on | March 11, 2009 |
So, I’ve mentioned it here once or twice I think, but in case you’re not a regular reader, I’ve been taking a Stand Up comedy class here in LA for a little while. About 8 weeks I think. Anyway, we’re now two weeks away from the last session in which we will all do a set at the Comedy Store here in LA. Theoretically.
Now, before I get into this let me just say the class is pretty damn amazing. The transformations that everyone has undergone are truly incredible and I strongly believe they could not have occurred in such a short amount of time without the class. Well, everyone but me. But you probably saw that coming.
Don’t get me wrong, I accept full responsibility for the situation. When you’re the only one not makin’ the nut, odds are it’s you with the problem and not the other 12 people in class who are doing just great. So, as Gunnery Sgt. Hartman might ask, what is my Major Malfunction? Well, it’s multi-layered:
One: I like to do things the way I like to do them. Example: I’ve had one real job in the tv/movie business. And I was fired from it. Why? Well, ultimately it was because I thought I knew better than the Suits what would be good for the show. Which was true, I did. But apparently, that’s irrelevant. The jackasses who canned me probably still have their jobs even though they killed a successful television show for personal reasons while I just wanted the show to be better. I guess that’s why they call it show “business”. Live and learn, right? Well, “live” at least. Who’s got time to Learn?
No worries, it’s how the world works. I know that. Can’t bite the hand that feeds you no matter how right you are. And pissing on it ain’t such a great idea either. I haven’t been nearly that resistant in my comedy class (have I? Shit, I hope not) but the general idea applies. I do feel as if I have tried very hard to follow the style we are being taught, mostly because it so obviously works. But like I said, I like to do things my way. Because after all, why be a regular sheep when you can be a black sheep? (Although I do sometimes see that even if you’re a black sheep, you’re still a sheep.) But I digress… (probably the heart of the matter).
Actually, I do feel as if the overall technique taught in this class has helped me immensely and that what I have been writing is far better than it would have otherwise been. I’ve been editing my stuff, cutting out all the extra fat and trying to keep only the best stuff, (Blogposts not included. Clearly.) But apparently, I should be cutting at least 50% more. If not 90%.
Two: Apparently, people who go to comedy clubs are fucking morons. As in: Nobody is going to be able to follow all of this. Who is Dian Fossey? It’s a room full of drunks, you have to keep it short. Who is Crash Davis? What happens at the end of Bridge on the River Kwai? Don’t do topical humor. Who’s Obie Wan? Who’s J. Peterman? What do you mean he was like Gandalf on the bridge at Khazad Dum and you were like the Balrog? Who is Ty Pennington? And my fave from a classmate looking at a typed out joke of mine, without reading it: Are you planning to say ALL of that? As ONE joke?
(An aside here, the person who said this is incredibly, incredibly funny, and has an amazingly quick and smart mind for comedy. I have seen her kill several sets at clubs, she has been nothing but helpful and inspiring to me the entire class, and has given me a lot feedback that, while it was difficult for me take, had nothing but my very best interests at heart. I mean her absolutely no disrespect at all. On the contrary, I have a huge amount of admiration for her understanding of how to write and perform stand up comedy and I wish that I could do it half as well as she does. She knew simply by looking at how long it was that it would not work for me in a six minute set at a stand up club. As part of one man show? Maybe, but that’s not what we’re trying to do.)
And me, being the outwardly confident (arrogant?) successful guy who usually does pretty damn well when he can focus his energy, but is inwardly very fragile and occasionally insecure when it comes to my art (acting/writing/comedy/etc) was pretty quickly destroyed. As my new friend Todd Snider might say, It’s sad, but it’s true. By the time I got to class, I was a shadow of my formerly confident self. My recent and newfound belief in the appeal of my material was shot to hell and I did some half assed impression of every douchebag comic who has ever tried to give a crowd what he thought they wanted, rather than what he himself believed in.
I wish I had a little more Larry David in me. There’s a Seinfeld quote about Larry David where Seinfeld says something along the lines of “Larry has a very strong sense of what he thinks is funny and nobody is going to change that.” (do you use quote marks when you paraphrase? no idea). Well, I have that, too. But I’m not sure I’ve got the Stones to go out and do it and face the potential disaster. No, I’m not saying I’m as funny or talented as LD, it’s not that kind of comparison.
Three: Not sure if I even have a “three” but it’s one of the rules of comedy apparently. You either have one punchline/example/comparison/etc or you have three. You don’t have two. Or four. Talk about your HGTV Freestyle flashbacks. ”Shouldn’t you always hang pictures in threes?” No. You shouldn’t ALWAYS do anything. You should assess each situation individually on its own merits and decide what is best for that specific and unique moment.
So what now? As I said in the title, I don’t have a fucking clue. I’m supposed to do a set with the rest of the class in two weeks. But what I have isn’t even close to what it’s supposed to be and I wonder if the teacher would even let me go up. You can’t have 12 oranges and an apple. It just don’t look right. And I don’t blame him one bit. It’s his class, it’s his reputation on the line if I go up and suck. Could I get my stuff to where it needs to be? With the constant and wonderfully kind offers of help from everyone in class and the very generous teacher, almost certainly. But do I want to? Do I want to eviscerate the work I’ve done so that I have a punchline every thirty seconds? Do I want to get great laughs with a set full of material that I don’t personally like? Do I? I just don’t fucking know.