The Horror. The Horror.
Posted on | January 31, 2009 |
So, I’m just hanging out at home on a Saturday night in LA. Â Doing dishes and what not. Â And I get this email:
CASTING HOT GIRLS AND GUYS FOR “MY NEW BFF”
PARIS HILTON’S SMASH HIT TV SERIES IS BACK FOR SEASON TWO!
The Heiress to American Royalty extends her most exclusive invitation to expand her A-List Clique!
* Do you long to strut into the world’s most elite hotspots without a care in the world except how fabulous you are?
* Ever wish the velvet ropes didn’t exclude you from the social circles of the A-List?
* How about the fantasy of jet setting around the world with the ultimate BFF, whose fierce style, charisma, and star power is only matched by your own?
Paris is granting the opportunity of a lifetime to one “fabulous” girl or guy who has what it takes to join Paris Hilton’s inner circle. Finally, you have the chance to show the world that you have what it takes to achieve social stardom; allowing you unprecedented access to young Hollywood as never before!
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Here’s my question: Â Why, why, why would anyone with a shred of dignity and self respect do such a thing? Â or even want to do such a thing? Â I know reality tv is huge and all, but when will we hit the wall with this absolute and total dreck? Â It’s never enough. Â When is it ever gonna be enough? Â The Real World on MTV was interesting. Â 15 years ago. Â Survivor was interesting. Â For one and 1/8 seasons. Â Every year the same shows redo the same format with a different batch of talentless losers looking for their moment in the spotlight. Â I’m always shocked to find that none of them possess any actual talent. Â What’s that? Â Hasselback is on the view after her stint on Survivor? Â So what? Â She’s still dumber than a box of hammers. She just admitted a day or two ago that she’s “knocked up” again (her words, not mine) and she had no idea. Â She claims she thought it was “electionitis” for the love of Pete’s Dragon.
Paris Hilton? Â I actually think she is probably a decent person that has been forced into a life she is almost certainly not totally comfortable with, but that she just happens to play the role really well. Â Almost like Georgie Bush being Preznit. Â I was thinking about him today and what he must have been thinking on the night he won re-election in 2004. Â I would bet a significant amount of money that he was the most disappointed of all with the results that night. Â He knew he was in so far over his head, but what choice did he really have at that point? Â But I digress. Â Here’s my point, in two parts: 1) Â Reality TV is utter shite. Â It’s the kind of thing that makes me understand why al qaeda wants to kill us. I get it. Â And 2) Â Reality TV could not be further from reality if it tried. Â These shows are cast very purposefully to create conflict. Â Scenes are set up, shot, reshot, and reshot again until the producers get what they want. Â The producers tell people what to say, how to say it, to get mad, or to cry. Â It is all a figment of someone’s imagination.
American Idol may be the worst of all.  The first half of each season seems to now be little more than the judges  doing their best to humiliate people who clearly have no business whatsoever attempting to have a career in music.  Which would be fine except that as the years have gone by, the show has gotten more and more brutal, to the point where you would think the producers actually enjoy destroying people’s entire lives on camera.  Do you know why?  Because they do. Â
And some of these “contestants” Â are quite clearly not entirely with it. Â WHy can’t Simon at least be nice to those people? Â He can tell they have problems beyond simply not being able to sing. Â Why not be polite to them, tell them thanks but no thanks and show them the door? Â And then, here’s the tricky part for these animals, DON’T PUT THEM ON TV. Â Pretty sure I’m digressing again so before I get started on another one of my Ryan Seacrest rants, I’m gonna go have some food. Â maybe that will calm me down. Â
More to say, always more to say, but what’s the point? Â Americans just want their dinner and their tv after a day at work. Â SOme mindless pablum to take their minds off their problems and eat up their time between work and sleep. Â God forbid they should communicate with their spouses or their children or their neighbors. Â God forbid they volunteer at their kids school. Â TV! TV! TV! Â That’s all they care about. Â And of course tomorrow is one of the biggest days of them all for these assholes. Â SuperBowl Sunday. Â Me? Â Best damn day of the year for a nice long bike ride out along Mulholland and the coast.