My new blog…
Posted on | February 23, 2010 | No Comments
Isn’t here.
It’s Here: The Twenty-Five Project
Nobody does it like Bobby does it.
Posted on | December 21, 2009 | 1 Comment
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that Jazz.
Missed it by that much…
Posted on | October 25, 2009 | 1 Comment
I wanted to be Atticus Finch. Turns out, I’m Boo Radley.
Better just try to enjoy the Ride.
Posted on | October 7, 2009 | 1 Comment
Farewell Los Angeles Show/Party
Posted on | August 26, 2009 | 3 Comments
So I am not long for this world. And by this world I mean Los Angeles. I think that is a fitting description, actually. Because LA is like no other place I’ve ever been, it is a world unto itself. But I’ll get into that later. Right now, I am announcing that on 9/09/09 I will be doing a special night of comedy at the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd. Starting at 8pm, some of my best friends and favorite comics and I will be doing a *****FREE SHOW*****. Anyone who is on my list ahead of time will get in for free. I and a few friends will be doing long sets and celebrating my time in LA before I move to Northern California to being what is sure to be a nice long period of decompression and re-education after 5+ years in LA.
If you’d like to be on the guest list, email me your name and the names of anyone coming with you to: info@aaronfoster.com
I would love to see as many people there as possible to make it a memorable final evening in Los Angeles. I hope you will make it!
The Joys of Airport Security
Posted on | August 11, 2009 | 3 Comments
I just went through airport security at LAX and I can say definitively and without question that this country is out of its damned mind. Why? Let’s take a look, shall we?
1. If you’re gonna pull people out of line and move them to the front because their departure is coming up and they won’t make it otherwise, why bother having a line at all? Just have people line up by departure time and be done with it. Why not print on the back of my ticket: “Plan to arrive at the airport at least one hour before your departure. Unless you don’t want to, in which case we’ll just let you have Cutsies in front of everyone who did get there early enough to make their flights.”
2. Really? The flip flops? Through the big machine? Why? Because some idiot once thought he was going to take down a 747 by lighting his shoes on fire? These are Flip. Flops. GAFB.
3. Yes, I know, I forgot to take my laptop out of the bag. I apologize. It’s 5am and I’ve been standing here watching morons do the jobs of monkeys for 30 minutes. I forgot. Why don’t you react as if I just killed your grandmother’s dog. And your grandmother. And then told you that I think your job is utterly meaningless? But before you do that, can I ask a question? Why can the machine see through my laptop but not my olive green Patagonia soft shell brief case type thing? Because that doesn’t make any Effing sense at all.
4. The following was said to someone who forgot to take a DVD player out and put it in its own bin, as the representative from the Department of Homeland Security (WTF?) began to dig through her bag: “Do you have anything sharp in here that might stab or cut me as I look through it?” Well, it did just go through an xray machine that is designed to find sharp objects that might stab or cut you so shouldn’t you, like, kind of know that already?
5. Do you have any liquids over 3 oz? Um, my bag just went thru the machine … You’re asking me what’s in it… Doesn’t that mean the machine doesn’t work? And, if I do have liquids and I say no, how are you going to know at this point? So, no. I don’t have any liquids.
6. My ID? Yeah, I have it. Unless of course I left it with one of the last four people to ask me, that is. But even if I did, no worries, because they’re all within earshot so it shouldn’t be a problem. Hell, forget earshot, they’re all within reach. (By the way, do you know what happens if you try to fly without your ID? No, not end of the world type stuff. No dogs and cats living together. No mass hysteria. They send you to the “Extra Screening” line, which is very short, and they look through your bag and wave a black stick in front of your body. But they don’t make you take off your flip flops. Which is why I never fly with ID.)
7. It’s a license plate. Deal with it. I know you probably don’t see them in this environment that often, but it’s still just a license plate. Or maybe even a bunch of them. I really don’ t think you need to call your supervisor over to ask her what to do with it. You do? Ok , fine. Let’s all stand around looking at the scary license plate and poke it with sticks to see if it has aggressive tendencies.
8. Hey guys? TSA peeps? I’m not saying you should be more vigilante at certain airports, but when I fly out of JFK, it doesn’t calm my nerves a lot to reach into my carry on bag half way through the flight and find a god damned box cutter I had forgotten about. Know what I mean? And yes, that was the flight I didn’t have my ID for.
9. Why does the captain have to go through this at all? It’s nice he gets to go to the front and everything, I have no problem with that, but don’t you think that if he wanted to bring the plane down, he probably isn’t going to need four and a half ounces of shampoo and a Zippo to do it? Or is that just me?
10. This has nothing to do with airport security, but since the list got to nine, I felt like I should do ten to round it off. You know, because ten is easier. It’s called the metric system folks, look into it. Unless of course you’re from Liberia or Burma (http://www.metric4us.com/)
And sure, you may know it as Myan Mar, but it will always be Burma to me. Those are the only other countries besides the USA that don’t use the metric system. What a bunch of assholes we are. But I digress. Bacak to the airport. Folks, when you’re at the baggage carousel waiting for your baggage after your flight (side note: carry on baggage should be illegal, or at the very least, an extra charge. Checked bags, free, carryons $50 each, but that’s a whole other thing) What was I saying? Oh yeah, when you’re at the baggage carousel: STAND THE FUCK BACK. Being right up against the edge doesn’t make your bag come any quicker, all it does is make the four of us still capable of rational thought not be able to see our bags through you. And when we do have to step in front of you to get ours we could do without that look. You know the one: “I got here first, wtf are you doing?” I’m getting my bag A-hole, what are you doing? And to the genius that stands immediately to the left of the baggage chute and plans to just lean over a little to grab his when we all know damn well the carousel rotates to the right? Swine flu. And anyone to the left of that person who thinks they’re gonna just lean over a little bit further for theirs? Botulism. You ever see a man die of botulism? There should be a painted yellow line on the ground in a six foot perimeter around the carousel across which: You Shall Not Pass. And if you cross that line and don’t come back with your bag, we’re gonna find your luggage and put it back on a plane and send it back from whence you came. Back to the Shadow, as Gandalf might say.
Damn, I kinda lost it on that last one didn’t I? I think I could do eleven of these. Or one hundred eleven. I hate flying.
If you just came here from Woman’s Day Magazine…
Posted on | August 6, 2009 | No Comments
Woman’s Day Magazine just posted a great story on their website about 10 different and unique artistic versions of US Maps. Two of my works were included. The link from that site was to my blog here, but should have been to my main site with my artwork, here: www.aaronfoster.com
Comedy For A Cause
Posted on | July 21, 2009 | No Comments
I will be performing on Thursday, July 23rd at the Spotlight Comedy Club in Studio City at the “Friends With Benefits” charity event to raise money to fight cerebral palsy. The night will include headliner Chris Porter from Last Comic Standing and a solid lineup of other comics. Including myself.
Details:
Thursday July 23, 7:45
Spotlight Comedy Club (aka Aura Nightclub)
12215 Ventura Blvd (about 2 blocks north of Laurel Canyon)
Studio City, CA
free underground parking in the back
$10 at the door. all proceeds go to charity.
Peace.
Main Room @ the Comedy Store- 7/15
Posted on | July 13, 2009 | No Comments
My next stand up gig is this Wednesday in the Main Room of the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd. 7:45. $10 at the door, 2 drinks. about a dozen comics. email me for info: info@aaronfoster.com
Next Stand Up Gig: A Good One
Posted on | June 28, 2009 | No Comments
I have been invited to do a set with the Men’s Club Comedy Tour this Thursday night in Sherman Oaks. These are four seasoned road comics with more than 40 years of stand up between them and this will be a great show. I will be doing a 10 minute set and will also be filming it to use as a demo reel to send to clubs, managers, and promoters, etc. I’d love to have as many supportive voices in the crowd as possible. Details below, contact me directly at info@aaronfoster.com for half price tix.
The Men’s Club Comedy Tour, Thursday July 2nd
@ The Spotlight Comedy Club (AURA Nightclub)
12215 Ventura Blvd
7:30pm
$10 at the door, full dinner menu available
I hope to see you there. Thanks!
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